Horoscope

ARIES: Mars moving into Aries puts you in the hot seat - and you'll need to find positive ways of expressing this fiery energy before it morphs into antagonistic, combative Aries against everyone... Only you can choose whether you're going to behave like a work of art or a blunt instrument.

TAURUS: 'Tis the week before Xmas and as usual, all hell's breaking loose. Retrograde aggravations will try your patience - but you've got plenty. The No Fun Zone beckons ominously, but don't even go there. Avoid also a potential swamp masquerading as a comfortable puddle.

GEMINI: With Mercury retrograding - the last thing anyone needs right now - the Xmas test of Gemini lightness, brightness and grace under pressure begins. When frenzy and hysterics threaten, just keep telling yourself that smiling's a better facial aerobic than frowning.

CANCER: Retro Mercury can provoke paranoia - believing that the whole world's turned against you. This requires the application of an opposing belief: pronoia - believing that the universe and most people in it are working hard to make you happy.

LEO: Yes, it's a frenzied and frustrating period. No, other people may not be as fast and smart as you are. But roaring round pointing this out is extraordinarily counter-productive Majesties, because what goes around comes around - almost instantaneously these days.

VIRGO: By the year 2000 humans were supposed to be wallowing in abundant leisure time, but look at today's wage slaves... and refuse to let your Type A overacheiver tyrannise you into Doing Too Much. Do what you can at a comfortable but not breakneck pace, then let manana take care of the rest.

LIBRA: Weighing this against that, should you or shouldn't you, is guaranteed to drive you - and everyone else - totally nuts this week. Just command your higher self, guardian angel, spirit guide, animal totem or whoever to make a snap decision for you.

SCORPIO: The misunderstandings, missed messages and general frustrations of retrograde Mercury can provoke even light-hearted Librans and easy-going Geminis to fuming fury. So you'll have to be inexhaustibly resourceful in finding ways to stay user-friendly this week, Scorps.

SAGITTARIUS: This week's Mercury retrograde's a transit sent to try us - especially impatient fire signs. So take a deep breath... and prepare to be relaxed about delayed payments, papers going astray, electronic mischief and everything taking a great deal longer than expected.

CAPRICORN: Like Christopher Robin's Eeyore, Capricorns adore a worst-case scenario, which brings out their best. So here goes: Mercury retrograde operates like Murphy's law that what can go wrong, will - with special bonus extras you could never have imagined... Happy now?

AQUARIUS: Mercury retrograde won't give you the real deal - there's always something hidden. So you'll need to develop alternative methods of information gathering - like tuning into subtexts, identifying overtones, recognising nuances, reading body language, picking up subtle signals and listening to your intuition.

PISCES: The chaotic flavour of retrograde Mercury kicks in this week like a cat among the Xmas pigeons. Making it time to remember the Ministry Of Fun mandate: If it isn't fun, don't do it. If you must do it, make it fun...