Shaggy Dog Comments...
Whenever someone fronts up to Lismore City Council asking for money, council likes to look sympathetic but cry poor. It happened again on Tuesday night. So Shaggy came up with what we thought was a brilliant idea. Cr Frank Swientek is often complaining about the cost of council's senior management positions, so we thought maybe Lismore could save a few bucks and asked the mayor if he'd considered getting a cheaper general manager. 'Who told you we were putting the salary up?' he told an astonished Shaggy and the gallery. That wasn't the question we asked, but the answer is: well you did Cr Gates.
In these insurance-troubled times, and in the wake of the bloke who scored $4 million for diving into a sandbar, we'd like to tell you about the Stella awards, America's leading gongs for nongs who'd rather sue than accept they're simply stupid. The awards are named in honour of 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who suffered third-degree burns to her legs, groin and buttocks after spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself. In 1994, a New Mexico jury awarded her US$2.9 million (about A$5.7m) in damages. So the Stella Awards celebrate the most frivolous lawsuits in the US. Following are the nominees - all cases verging on the outright ridiculous, but proof that a good lawyer is better than getting odds from Robbie Waterhouse. The envelope please:
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little bastard was Ms Robertson's son.
2. June 1998: Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal its hubcaps.
3. October 1998: Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbour's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
5. May 2000: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (ie bum bone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
6. December 1997: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighbouring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
And the winner is: Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City. In November 2000 Mr Grazinski purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motorhome. On his first trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 110kmh and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he couldn't actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new Winnie. (Winnebago actually changed their handbooks on the back of this court case, just in case there are any other complete morons buying their vehicles).
 You could be forgiven for mistaking the Quota International of Alstonville-Wollongbar for a ladies sewing group after their recent efforts.
In the last few months they have been busy making patchwork knee rugs and this superb 'Flowers of Friendship Quilt' (pictured) all in the name of charity.
Nearly 30 knee rugs will be donated to local nursing homes. The rugs were made from donated materials and then put together by the Plateau quilters and the Quota Club in a one day working bee.
The Flowers of Friendship quilt was inspired by a poem and will be raffled at the upcoming Craft for all Seasons Fair, June 22-23.
 The Japanese language evening classes at Southern Cross University by Tazuko McLaren (pictured) focus as much on cultural traditions as grammar and vocabulary. Last week's session featured the time-honoured Japanese tea ceremony (cha-no-yu) in which powdered green tea is mixed in a large cup and served with considerable ceremony and grace.
Tazuko-san was helped to prepare the brew by students Mitch Lowe, in 3rd year of his Sport Tourism degree, Prof Stanley Yeo, who will shortly take up an exchange appointment in law at a Japanese university, and Samone Cooper who, like other students, would like to travel and work in Japan. Further language courses will be held at SCU later this year. For details, contact the International Office on 6620 3876.
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